It's Easy to Forget

Some days it’s very easy to forget why I’m here. What does a gringa in her twenties recently graduated from college have to contribute to a community that needs good teachers and gardening skills? How can I, with little previous knowledge and three months of training, begin to address these issues? I feel unqualified and very overwhelmed…

And then I remember (just as I said in my last blog) that relationships are everything. As I sat after class with five sixth grade girls and the teacher, I was reminded of why I was here and what my real passion in Nicaragua is. One of the little girls said to me, “being dark is ugly.” She described her twin who has lighter skin than her and how she thinks that I have such beautiful skin. I attempted to address these deeply woven issues by saying that women in the U.S. try to tan their skin to be more like her. I gently explained that I was born with whiter skin and no matter how much she took care of her skin, hiding it from the sun, she would never be as white as me. On the flip side, I could sit many hours in the sun and will never be as dark as her. We are born into this skin, it’s the only skin we have, so why not love it?

Since a young age I have had the perspective of not caring what others think. I simply walk on my path in life and try not to compare myself (at least physically) to other women because I know I will never be them. I also am very well aware that twelve is the age when all of those insecurities come out. This age is delicate and I can tell her a million pieces of advice that may never seep in. Yet this view reflects that of Nicaraguans. They take good care of their skin, protecting it from the sun if they’re out working, putting on a hat, long sleeves, and yelling at me to cover up in the burning heat. I try to remember that this is all positive, that they are at least protecting themselves from skin cancer. But then the comments sink in. A twelve year old girl tells me she is ugly because she is brown and my heart breaks.

These issues are not distinct to Nicaragua, but that doesn’t make them less important. This is my real work here. Yes, I come home from the classroom excited about something we did some days. Yes, I enjoy the topics that I teach and the relationships I have with teachers. But it’s the Ecological Brigade “meetings” where we work in the dirt and the conversations with handfuls of young girls about issues that affect them that drive me to work harder. It’s these youth groups that really uncover the need in Nicaragua. This is where the Peace Corps mission of exchange will come in. My job inherently has me building upon the skills that Nicaraguans also have, but I want to give these girls a taste of what their future could look like. I want to be that role model for them. I want to have an open conversation about, sex, boys, race, and so many taboo topics.

It’s easy to forget, but then I remember. I’m here for a reason.