It's Easy to Forget

Some days it’s very easy to forget why I’m here. What does a gringa in her twenties recently graduated from college have to contribute to a community that needs good teachers and gardening skills? How can I, with little previous knowledge and three months of training, begin to address these issues? I feel unqualified and very overwhelmed…

And then I remember (just as I said in my last blog) that relationships are everything. As I sat after class with five sixth grade girls and the teacher, I was reminded of why I was here and what my real passion in Nicaragua is. One of the little girls said to me, “being dark is ugly.” She described her twin who has lighter skin than her and how she thinks that I have such beautiful skin. I attempted to address these deeply woven issues by saying that women in the U.S. try to tan their skin to be more like her. I gently explained that I was born with whiter skin and no matter how much she took care of her skin, hiding it from the sun, she would never be as white as me. On the flip side, I could sit many hours in the sun and will never be as dark as her. We are born into this skin, it’s the only skin we have, so why not love it?

Since a young age I have had the perspective of not caring what others think. I simply walk on my path in life and try not to compare myself (at least physically) to other women because I know I will never be them. I also am very well aware that twelve is the age when all of those insecurities come out. This age is delicate and I can tell her a million pieces of advice that may never seep in. Yet this view reflects that of Nicaraguans. They take good care of their skin, protecting it from the sun if they’re out working, putting on a hat, long sleeves, and yelling at me to cover up in the burning heat. I try to remember that this is all positive, that they are at least protecting themselves from skin cancer. But then the comments sink in. A twelve year old girl tells me she is ugly because she is brown and my heart breaks.

These issues are not distinct to Nicaragua, but that doesn’t make them less important. This is my real work here. Yes, I come home from the classroom excited about something we did some days. Yes, I enjoy the topics that I teach and the relationships I have with teachers. But it’s the Ecological Brigade “meetings” where we work in the dirt and the conversations with handfuls of young girls about issues that affect them that drive me to work harder. It’s these youth groups that really uncover the need in Nicaragua. This is where the Peace Corps mission of exchange will come in. My job inherently has me building upon the skills that Nicaraguans also have, but I want to give these girls a taste of what their future could look like. I want to be that role model for them. I want to have an open conversation about, sex, boys, race, and so many taboo topics.

It’s easy to forget, but then I remember. I’m here for a reason.

Relationships are everything

In the Peace Corps success is officially measured in numbers, in the amount of plants you grow, the amount of teachers you work with, and the amount of children who take part in your environmental projects. These concrete numbers are needed to show the government that the money invested in these programs is doing something tangible, it’s capacitating teachers and community members as well as teaching Nicaraguan children. I see the obvious importance and understand that this is the system in which nearly everyone works. How many hours did you put in last week? Did your project produce adequate outcomes?

But Peace Corps is about so much more. Every day things pop into my head and I think about how much I miss cooking my own food or speaking my mind about gender issues. But then I get a hug from ten of my students. Then my teacher buys me a bag of jocotes (a small delicious fruit). Then a cousin who always likes to bug me yells in the street. Then my one year old “niece” won’t let me take a nap because she wants to play with my Frisbee and steal my earrings. Then I soak it all in and think about how many relationships I will miss when I leave Nicaragua.

You could say that it is rare to think about this now, as I am still in the beginning stages of service, yet there is already a new group of volunteers in Nicaragua and the next crew arrives in August. After looking back at these past few months in site, I am terrified to think about how fast time has flown. I was so ready for Nicaragua that I don’t even feel like 8 months has passed without seeing my friends and family. Time will fly and I want to enjoy every second of every day.

So what is interesting is that I also want to explore this beautiful country. I love the relationships I have also made with my very tight-knit environment group. In a group of 19 all of us get along very well and support each other with amazing ease. The interesting things about the many relationships I have fostered in the past 8 months is that my relationships with one group seem to affect my relationships with the other. For example, when I spend too much time traveling (or even a little bit of time traveling) people in my town call me “vaga” like a vagabond who only spends his or her time in the streets. I love to see my PC friends, but then I come home and find that people have missed me or I have missed out on something fun. But the same goes for missing PC trips with my friends. Some weeks I feel like I’m so integrated into Nica culture that I forget to pick up the phone and call my friends, realizing I haven’t heard from them in a long time. I get isolated and don’t hear the latest gossip or news because I am working so hard at enjoying my relationships in site.

So I’m learning to find an interesting balance. And as with everything in the Peace Corps, I follow my gut, I do what my intuition tells me, what at the end of the day will make me happy. Never in my life have I made so many decisions purely based on my happiness and what feels good. That is the beauty of this life. Yes, I will write my reports and do my best to stay true to those numbers. But at the end of the day, success is built within these relationships that I have created. And success for me means following my own happiness.

International Women's Day

On my college campus, International Women’s Day was highlighted, but it came and went like any other day of recognition without much hype. In Brainerd, I didn’t even know there was such a thing as International Women’s Day. Ironically, I moved to a country with grave gender inequalities and a heavy machismo culture where International Women’s Day is not only recognized, but truly celebrated.

On Friday teachers attended a meeting about International Women’s Day and the importance of women in the workforce as well as having good female role models in the classroom. On Saturday morning my day began with a text from a teacher saying “Happy International Women’s Day, it’s a very special day.” There was a march in town to celebrate and most surprisingly, nearly everyone from the general population knows that it’s International Women’s Day. That is something I cannot say of the U.S. today.

Like I have mentioned, Nicaragua has a ways to go in terms of gender equality and that does not change by simply celebrating International Women’s Day and hearing messages about women’s accomplishments and contributions to society. However, it definitely makes me question our commitment to women’s rights in the U.S. Even progressive college students surprised me in their views on women’s issues. “We are past those issues…” they would say. “Women are already being educated and have equal rights…” With all of the health reforms attempting to strip us of many rights you would think that we would put more of an emphasis on fighting toward equality instead of failing to recognize these stark inequalities.

Do I think Nicaraguans have a good appreciation for what International Women’s Day is really about? No. But at least leaders are beginning to put an emphasis on inequality in Nicaragua and focusing on these issues. At the end of the day you can compare the rates of education, the economic status, and other statistics between the countries, but we don’t have it all figured out in the U.S. Even with a larger educated population in the U.S. than in Nicaragua, I guarantee that few people could tell you when International Women’s Day is celebrated and why it is so important to celebrate it.

Happy International Women’s Day to all. Let’s all put an effort into creating a world of true gender equality instead of ignoring the issues in our own backyard.

Capturing my Weeks in Photos

Elizabeth received a gift from Minnesota...

 

And has not put down her Brown Bear Brown Bear book (in Spanish of course) since she got it. If you take it from her, she cries. She sits staring at the pictures, kissing them, and gasping in surprise with each page turn.

Finally learning how to make enchiladas with the family

There actually is a technique to pressing the tortillas.

Throwing the tortillas in oil to be fried, of course I'm scared of burning myself!

Jaime, a cousin of my host siblings wanted to help

She's two years old and calls me tia (in English meaning aunt)

My host mom's mother-in-law comes to help every time because she has many years of practice

Happy little Elizabeth...the house is so quiet, sad, and boring when she's not around screaming, laughing, and stealing random items from my room.

At school we already got to pick the radishes (though the chickens did not leave many behind when they dug them up).

These girls are from the Environmental Club that I worked with this summer.

Digging a hole for a giant compost pile at my larger school.

I have to explain numerous times that both girls and boys will be working on this project and everyone will receive a grade. It's a big goal of mine to get them to erase from their minds the idea that only the bigger boys will be doing hard labor. Some of the little girls are the best workers!

 

Otherwise things are going well and I'm still getting used to my new schedule with teachers. These projects are keeping me busy but it's been a great start to the school year so far!

A Thirst for More

I have now been in Nicaragua for six months which to me feels extremely surreal. When I compare time I have spent traveling or even in school with the time I’ve spent here it seems as though time has flown by. I spent five months in Chile and yet I felt that it was five full months (though I wasn’t necessarily ready to go home by the end). A semester of classes was full of ups and downs, difficulties and celebrations, enveloped in an academic community where life never slowed down. I am six months into my service and feel as though I’m just beginning. With classes starting and attempting to enter the classroom in a respectful way life still feels very slow and the work has yet to begin. Yet I can already declare that when I boarded that first plane in Brainerd, MN I had a very different perspective of my service than I carry today. It is incredible to think about how much I have changed in six months and what my thoughts will be after two years.

I attribute my success here so far to my host family, to my ability to slowly move into the community, and to a bit of luck that I got a great site for me. Everyone in the U.S. talks about how fast time passes, how busy everyone is with school or work or family commitments, how we never slow down and time seems to escape from us. Six months flies, one year is gone, and before you know it the kids are grown and you’re old (or so they tell me). What’s interesting is that I have passed the past three months at a slower pace, enjoying each day of summer vacation, teaching classes here and there, but mostly sitting in the porch and getting to know people. I cannot say that I never had a moment to think or to sit down, I cannot say I was working extra hard or my classes took so much energy, but I can say that time flew. This goes to show me how important time is because no matter how you spend it, it will pass quickly through your fingers. Nicaragua has taught me to enjoy the moments, the little things, how to not work myself into the ground like I am so used to in the U.S.

Here I appreciate people’s different perspectives, I take into account cultural differences, and I put a lot of effort into not judging before analyzing opinions. Becoming a teacher here has definitely made me appreciate the value of education even more than I had before, however. I thirst to know more, to learn another language, to contribute to the community and to society. I have spent time researching teaching methods and considering how I can improve my contribution to Nicaraguan schools. But this is not common here. People in general do not thirst to know more, parents do not want or have time to participate in school activities and committees. Education here is not for the sake of learning, it is for the sake of creating a literate society. Students do not know how to think but instead are taught what to think. At times I have been taken aback when I ask a question that requires more thinking than regurgitation to the class and all I receive in response are blank stares.

Realizing this makes me thankful for the education I have had and the support of parents who value education. Parents here value their childrens’ education on a level that they know it is important, yet any support more than that is difficult to find. It is time in Nicaragua to foster childrens’ natural curiosity, to help them think for themselves, and use their own strengths to be successful in school.

Back to School...in February

Though there are so many differences that I notice on a daily basis, there are some experiences that are so similar to the U.S. it makes me feel as if I'm there. Back to school shopping is one of them. Whether or not a parent has money for new supplies the child wants a new brand-named backpack, cool shoes (that fit the uniform), and all new materials to be successful. I participated in back to school shopping with some family members and I was taken aback when I walked into a packed Payless store and felt as though I was in the U.S.

Teachers always talk about those students who aren't coming to class because of a lack of money for a uniform, rundown shoes, and a lack of materials. But there are also those who receive a new backpack every year like in the U.S. Kids enter the school year excited and with energy, teachers feel a bit rundown but are also full of new ideas for this coming year. After finishing almost a full week of school I'm exhausted but energized, excited to have started this year and have four new teachers to work with.

Working in two schools is also difficult because I'm always running from one school to the next and I feel like I'm missing out when I am in one place and not the other. Despite this, I believe I have chosen four great teachers who are excited to work with me and have set a tentative schedule that will keep me busy this year, just the way I'm used to in the U.S. We will have gardens at each school, science classes, working with student clubs, and much more over the span of the year. Though some days I feel nervous and unsure of myself, I feel lucky to be learning so much about this culture, life, and teaching. Here's to the academic school year of 2014!

The beans never fail us

As summer rolls to an end and I am preparing to start my first week at the school next week, I am reflecting upon this time I have had to integrate and really get to know my community. Many volunteers have told me how many books they have read, how many hikes they have been on, and how they watch a good American TV show when bored or if they just need a break. Simply by chance, my summer experience has not been the same. While I have good books to read, the ability to travel to go hiking, and my own stash of good movies, I am simply content sitting around chatting with my host family and neighbors. I feel as though I blend in well with Nicaraguan culture because I enjoy people’s company and the tranquil lifestyle of chatting at night. I hope that never ends even though my life will become a lot busier now that we are entering the school year.

A friend told me the other day, “los frijoles nunca nos fallan” which means “the beans never fail us.” I love this phrase because it speaks to the simple joys of the Nicaraguan life. For many Nicas, money comes and goes, as saving is not a common value to have in this culture. But nearly everyone finds a way to buy rice and beans. You could call it the basis of this society, but I think the real base is the community. If a family member is in trouble, doesn’t have food, or is just plain struggling, there is a whole network of people to provide help in whatever way they are able. When in a tough situation, you must go back to the basics, back to the beans, and back to the support of your family.

These communities work in amazing ways and cause me to criticize our individualistic society in the U.S. Is it really beneficial that we have a hands-off approach to family? In general, we fly the coop at 18 and return only a few times a year. It must be admitted that this way of living as neighbors with your entire family makes it hard to achieve certain educational and economic opportunities that are available. Yet there is something so beautiful about stopping by someone’s house just to say hi and chatting for the afternoon without the requirement of a phone call or advanced notice. What is truly important in our lives, the relationships we foster or economic success? Even when we have financial difficulties, the beans will never fail us, our relationships will always be there. Some say life is easier the more money you have, but I think once you pass the point of paying for your needs that statement becomes less true. It’s true, you no longer have to worry about paying for the basics, but what are you losing in the process of working long hours for a well-paying job? What are you gaining by buying a bunch of technological gadgets and spending hours fixated in using them? More importantly, what are you losing?

This is certainly not to say that life is perfectly peaceful here, free of any TV or people who keep their nose in their cell phones. However, there is definitely an appreciation of your neighbors, the relationships you have with your family, and the time that you dedicate to simply being with others. I don’t think this is an intentional part of this culture, but it is certainly one of the most positive aspects I have found in my five months here so far. I will surely continue to uncover the gems of this culture as I go along this journey.