It's Easy to Forget

Some days it’s very easy to forget why I’m here. What does a gringa in her twenties recently graduated from college have to contribute to a community that needs good teachers and gardening skills? How can I, with little previous knowledge and three months of training, begin to address these issues? I feel unqualified and very overwhelmed…

And then I remember (just as I said in my last blog) that relationships are everything. As I sat after class with five sixth grade girls and the teacher, I was reminded of why I was here and what my real passion in Nicaragua is. One of the little girls said to me, “being dark is ugly.” She described her twin who has lighter skin than her and how she thinks that I have such beautiful skin. I attempted to address these deeply woven issues by saying that women in the U.S. try to tan their skin to be more like her. I gently explained that I was born with whiter skin and no matter how much she took care of her skin, hiding it from the sun, she would never be as white as me. On the flip side, I could sit many hours in the sun and will never be as dark as her. We are born into this skin, it’s the only skin we have, so why not love it?

Since a young age I have had the perspective of not caring what others think. I simply walk on my path in life and try not to compare myself (at least physically) to other women because I know I will never be them. I also am very well aware that twelve is the age when all of those insecurities come out. This age is delicate and I can tell her a million pieces of advice that may never seep in. Yet this view reflects that of Nicaraguans. They take good care of their skin, protecting it from the sun if they’re out working, putting on a hat, long sleeves, and yelling at me to cover up in the burning heat. I try to remember that this is all positive, that they are at least protecting themselves from skin cancer. But then the comments sink in. A twelve year old girl tells me she is ugly because she is brown and my heart breaks.

These issues are not distinct to Nicaragua, but that doesn’t make them less important. This is my real work here. Yes, I come home from the classroom excited about something we did some days. Yes, I enjoy the topics that I teach and the relationships I have with teachers. But it’s the Ecological Brigade “meetings” where we work in the dirt and the conversations with handfuls of young girls about issues that affect them that drive me to work harder. It’s these youth groups that really uncover the need in Nicaragua. This is where the Peace Corps mission of exchange will come in. My job inherently has me building upon the skills that Nicaraguans also have, but I want to give these girls a taste of what their future could look like. I want to be that role model for them. I want to have an open conversation about, sex, boys, race, and so many taboo topics.

It’s easy to forget, but then I remember. I’m here for a reason.

Relationships are everything

In the Peace Corps success is officially measured in numbers, in the amount of plants you grow, the amount of teachers you work with, and the amount of children who take part in your environmental projects. These concrete numbers are needed to show the government that the money invested in these programs is doing something tangible, it’s capacitating teachers and community members as well as teaching Nicaraguan children. I see the obvious importance and understand that this is the system in which nearly everyone works. How many hours did you put in last week? Did your project produce adequate outcomes?

But Peace Corps is about so much more. Every day things pop into my head and I think about how much I miss cooking my own food or speaking my mind about gender issues. But then I get a hug from ten of my students. Then my teacher buys me a bag of jocotes (a small delicious fruit). Then a cousin who always likes to bug me yells in the street. Then my one year old “niece” won’t let me take a nap because she wants to play with my Frisbee and steal my earrings. Then I soak it all in and think about how many relationships I will miss when I leave Nicaragua.

You could say that it is rare to think about this now, as I am still in the beginning stages of service, yet there is already a new group of volunteers in Nicaragua and the next crew arrives in August. After looking back at these past few months in site, I am terrified to think about how fast time has flown. I was so ready for Nicaragua that I don’t even feel like 8 months has passed without seeing my friends and family. Time will fly and I want to enjoy every second of every day.

So what is interesting is that I also want to explore this beautiful country. I love the relationships I have also made with my very tight-knit environment group. In a group of 19 all of us get along very well and support each other with amazing ease. The interesting things about the many relationships I have fostered in the past 8 months is that my relationships with one group seem to affect my relationships with the other. For example, when I spend too much time traveling (or even a little bit of time traveling) people in my town call me “vaga” like a vagabond who only spends his or her time in the streets. I love to see my PC friends, but then I come home and find that people have missed me or I have missed out on something fun. But the same goes for missing PC trips with my friends. Some weeks I feel like I’m so integrated into Nica culture that I forget to pick up the phone and call my friends, realizing I haven’t heard from them in a long time. I get isolated and don’t hear the latest gossip or news because I am working so hard at enjoying my relationships in site.

So I’m learning to find an interesting balance. And as with everything in the Peace Corps, I follow my gut, I do what my intuition tells me, what at the end of the day will make me happy. Never in my life have I made so many decisions purely based on my happiness and what feels good. That is the beauty of this life. Yes, I will write my reports and do my best to stay true to those numbers. But at the end of the day, success is built within these relationships that I have created. And success for me means following my own happiness.

International Women's Day

On my college campus, International Women’s Day was highlighted, but it came and went like any other day of recognition without much hype. In Brainerd, I didn’t even know there was such a thing as International Women’s Day. Ironically, I moved to a country with grave gender inequalities and a heavy machismo culture where International Women’s Day is not only recognized, but truly celebrated.

On Friday teachers attended a meeting about International Women’s Day and the importance of women in the workforce as well as having good female role models in the classroom. On Saturday morning my day began with a text from a teacher saying “Happy International Women’s Day, it’s a very special day.” There was a march in town to celebrate and most surprisingly, nearly everyone from the general population knows that it’s International Women’s Day. That is something I cannot say of the U.S. today.

Like I have mentioned, Nicaragua has a ways to go in terms of gender equality and that does not change by simply celebrating International Women’s Day and hearing messages about women’s accomplishments and contributions to society. However, it definitely makes me question our commitment to women’s rights in the U.S. Even progressive college students surprised me in their views on women’s issues. “We are past those issues…” they would say. “Women are already being educated and have equal rights…” With all of the health reforms attempting to strip us of many rights you would think that we would put more of an emphasis on fighting toward equality instead of failing to recognize these stark inequalities.

Do I think Nicaraguans have a good appreciation for what International Women’s Day is really about? No. But at least leaders are beginning to put an emphasis on inequality in Nicaragua and focusing on these issues. At the end of the day you can compare the rates of education, the economic status, and other statistics between the countries, but we don’t have it all figured out in the U.S. Even with a larger educated population in the U.S. than in Nicaragua, I guarantee that few people could tell you when International Women’s Day is celebrated and why it is so important to celebrate it.

Happy International Women’s Day to all. Let’s all put an effort into creating a world of true gender equality instead of ignoring the issues in our own backyard.